Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I want to fling myself into the sun
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize