I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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