Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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