I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Drake has all the answers
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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