im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
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I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
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You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
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