I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
