We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize