perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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