I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
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After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
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It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize