Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
