Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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