fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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