and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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