I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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