Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Less talking, more tequila
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
