A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
