he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
