After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
