Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
