it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
