God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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