You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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