her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
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