Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
