You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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