Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize
