I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Please don't give away my fajitas
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