TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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