I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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