well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
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