i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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