My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
