Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
