ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
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