wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
