I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Houston, we have a blender
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
