It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
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