there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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