I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
