I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
