I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
