Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
