So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
