I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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