So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
