My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
so let's talk penis.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
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