You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Randomize
