If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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