4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
My underwear smells like fireworks.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Randomize
