i think my tv is drunk
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
