Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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