what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
