I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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