Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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