I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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