it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
