he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
