"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
