I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
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the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
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I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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