Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
