Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Jerry, you need to find god
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
