i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
