Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
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