So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize