we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
