Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
