Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
