exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Randomize
