lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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