At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
