There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
