Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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