Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
