During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
