16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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