He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
