watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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