New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
You did what with his pubic hair?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
