I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
