Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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