I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
