Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
