I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
