how can u be prego again
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
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