i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
