Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
