why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
