It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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