I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
