my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
