I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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