DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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