I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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