We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
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