does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
