New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
